I am not somebody workaholic and unclear of priorities. I am  a slow worker and for the mean time, I am looking for an edge in what I do. I am going to be working for another 20 years. I am just looking for a small satisfaction and I do not aim on becoming a big shot senior officer. I certainly do not want just coming to work, get scolded by the head officer then go home feeling stressed with everything. After all that though, I just wish I could be somewhere away from my usual environment but still do the thing that is core to me. I want it because I need to feel in one other way than the usuals. It is means to get that edge that I am looking for.
Perhaps others see me as selfish thus the reluctance to support in any way. I am just seen as running away from what I must do, lazy and unreliable. I have heard it all, I know that look time and again. I am still the one that is wrong in all those screwed up situations.
I am just going to give up and pretend to look happy. Who knows in the mean time I will be truly happy and thank God that I gave up...